13 Responses to an Incredibly Sexist Article

Probably what the "writer" thinks about this post.  http://jamesblunsum.files.wordpress.com/2013/05/sexist-ecard.png

Probably what the “writer” thinks about my response.
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As I’m sure you’re aware, there’s this post, “13 Things a Woman Can Do to be More Attractive to Men“, that has been going around since July.

If you have not, I will give you a few minutes to read it right now.  Go ahead.  It’s right here.

Are you speechless too?  (If you are not in utter shock right now, maybe just give up on reading this while you still can.  You don’t belong here).

 It was originally posted on Thought Catalog by a man named “John Smith”.  I say “John Smith” because I cannot find any information on this guy, which tells me that he’s using a (very unimaginative) pseudonym.  So Mr. John Smith, you had enough gall to post something called “13 Things a Woman Can Do to be More Attractive to Men”, but you don’t have enough balls to post your actual name?  Okay.

Anyways…

I thought I’d go ahead and write a little response to the 13 “requirements” he has for the ladies he dates.  There’s actually quite a few on the internet already, but most of them are titled something along the lines of “13 Things a Man Can Do to be More Attractive to Women”, which is just as sexist as the original post.  In order to not be a hypocrite, I decided to take a different approach.

Read on…

1. Stay in Shape: In a world where women are objectified and judged every single day for their appearance, it’s time that we had somebody on our side telling us that we’re beautiful and worthy, regardless of our appearance.  It is not your boyfriend’s or husband’s job to tell you to work out or eat well.   It is not any man’s job.  How you choose to live your life is up to you.  Yes, I like working out and being fit because I like how I look and it makes me happy.  However, I do not do it to be more appealing to men.  If your guy is telling you to work out now, what will be his response when you have a little baby weight leftover in 10 years?  If I want some greasy potato chips, I’ll eat them dammit.

2. Lay Off the Body Modification: If I want tattoos, piercings, and pink hair, I sure as hell am going to do it.  Who are you to tell me how I should look or live my life?  Who are you to speak for all men?  (I know quite a few men who are into piercings and tattoos).  How I change my body is up to me.  Not any other person.  Ever.

3. Make Your Own Money: Oh trust me, John.  I plan on it.  God forbid any poor woman have to rely on some small-minded asshole like you to get by.  Yes, I’m getting an education.  Yes, I plan on making my own money.  No, I am not doing it to attract guys.  (Sorry to burst your bubble).

4. Be Feminine: Oh really, John?  Men date women because they want to date women?  That’s revolutionary!  I’m so glad that you’re here to point that out to us!  Thank you.

In other words, are you serious?  If I want to do a stereotypical “male” activity like going to a football game with my ladies instead of having a naked pillow fight (which I’m sure is what you think happens when I hang out with my girlfriends), I sure as hell am going to.  (You might want to stay away from me, John.  I might have a hidden penis somewhere).

5. Be Submissive: Sorry if you’re reading this grandma, but are you f***ing kidding me?  You’re telling me that I have to be submissive?  I truly have no words for this one.

Wait, yes I do!  Being submissive has not turned into a negative word, Mr. Smith.  It has always been a negative word.  Couples do things for each other because they love each other, not because they’re “giving in”.  At this point I’m assuming that you have not actually been in a single healthy relationship.

6. Sex Life: Oh, so you are allowed to sleep with as many women as you want, but women are not allowed to do the same?  Thanks for telling me what I can and cannot do with my body!  I love it when cowardly assholes hide behind their computer screens and tell girls how many people they can sleep with!  Thank God you’re here!

Once again, what I do with my body is no man’s (or person’s) business.  And you’re right, Mr. Smith.  Life isn’t fair.  The fact that we have to deal with people like you proves that.

7. Be Intelligent: That’s a lot coming from a guy who is (quite obviously) not intelligent.

8. Be Childfree: Sorry ladies.  John Smith has spoken, and if you have children, you are screwed.  No boys for you.  Contrary to Mr. Smith’s beliefs, there are plenty of single men with kids that are looking for you.  There are plenty of single men without kids that are looking for you.  If they have a problem with your kid, then they probably don’t have any business being a part of your life anyways.

Also, can we acknowledge that he actually put the sentence, “The bottom line is that you have a child, and it does not belong to the eligible bachelors out there” in his post?  If any man says this to you, give him a good kick in the balls.  We don’t need any mini “John Smiths” running around.

9. Be Willing to Cook at Least 3 Times a Week: So as a woman I have to work, get an education, stay in shape, and cook at least 3 times a week for you?  And what are you doing exactly?  I cook because it’s one of my favorite things to do.  I cook for boyfriends because I appreciate them and love them and want to show that .  It is not my job.  If a lady doesn’t like to cook, she damn well doesn’t have to.

10. Put Down the Phone: As an educated lady with a job, I sometimes have to be on the phone.  I may be waiting on an important phone call from work or school.  Sometimes a boy hasn’t said anything to me in 17 minutes, so I reply to a text message real quick.  Are you really blaming this on girls as a whole?  Do you know how many boys have picked up their phone while I was in the middle of a sentence?  (And thanks Mr. Smith.  I know that red light is ahead of me.  I have eyeballs and they sure as hell aren’t on my phone while I’m driving).

11. Ease Up on the Makeup: Oh great!  The “less is more” thing that some guys like to pull right before they tell you how hot Kim Kardashian is.  I wear my makeup how I wear my makeup.  If you don’t like it, you don’t have to.  I’m not wearing it for you.

12. Stop Cussing: F**k you.  Just because I cuss does not make me any less of a lady  Being a lady is being a good person, and having respect for others (which I’m sure is a foreign concept to you).  I can be a lady and say whatever the hell I want.  (Nice double standard by the way).

13. Stop Hoarding Guy Friends: “9 out of 10 of your guy friends just want to sleep with you anyways.  Men know how other men think”.  Mr. Smith, do you know how many times I have heard this?  Do you know how much I want to punch your goddamn face in every single time I hear this coming from your mouth?  I will be friends with whoever I want.  If it’s that big of a problem, you really do not belong in my life.

As for the “6 Preemptive Answering to Counterargument Sound Bites”:

Thank you so much for proving how small-minded and unintelligent you are.  I feel truly and deeply sad for any woman who has the misfortune of dating somebody who is as awful as you are.  But as for you, I’m sorry about the rest of your life.  I can only imagine how insecure and desperate you are.

But thanks for giving me something to laugh at anyways.

*Thought Catalog posted another article with women’s responses to John Smith’s, which is also pretty amusing.*

Thanks for reading guys.  Let’s just remember that gender equality is an issue for everyone, not just women.  The more accepting we become as human beings, the more peaceful our lives will be.

XO Sara

Not So College-y Ramen

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This is not what normal college kids do.  I’m aware of that.

I totally fathom that most kids (half) boil a pot of water, throw the noodles in for way past the recommended time until they’re soggy mush, and then accidentally drop the foil packet into the scalding water before dipping their fingers in, ripping it open, all while screaming a list of profanities and cursing corporate ramen companies worldwide.

I really understand that.

I’m just not a normal college kid.

For instance, my roommates and I had a huge Friendsgiving meal last night starting with crostini, roasted garlic, and truffle goat cheese appetizers, plenty of roasted chicken breasts (we couldn’t find turkey breasts oooops), mashed potatoes, cranberry sauce, roasted multi-colored carrots, stuffing, and ending with homemade chocolate cream pie.

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Oh yeah, and plenty of Frank Sinatra and old-fashioneds.

Like I said, not normal. 

That’s why when I started watching The Mind of a Chef on Netflix, and got a whole history lesson on ramen, I knew I had to try a new approach to the little crinkly plastic wrapped package of noodles and MSG I normally pass in the store.

Hence “not so college-y ramen”.

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Ingredients:

2 boneless pork chops

4 cups chicken broth

1 package ramen (get rid of that foil flavor packet!!!)

Olive oil

2 cloves garlic, minced and divided

1 tsp. ginger, grated

3 Tbs. soy sauce, divided

1 Tbs. brown sugar

1 carrot, grated

1/4 c. frozen corn

1 Tbs. chives, chopped

Toppings: Thai Marinated cucumbers, Siracha, bean sprouts, seaweed, whatever you have (which is what I did).

*Please note that the sun going down at 4:30 means not so great pictures.  I ask that you kindly understand.*

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Place pork in a bag.  Mix in 1 Tbs. soy sauce (or more, I kind of just eyeballed), 1 Tbs. brown sugar, 1 clove garlic, salt, and pepper.  Marinate for 30 minutes, or overnight if you prefer.

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Cook your pork chop until nice and golden brown.

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Uh, bad pic wow.  But yeah, nice and golden brown is the point I’m trying to get across.  Then slice it!

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Grate your carrot.  You can do it on a paper towel if you’re really fancy like me.

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Heat a little bit of oil in your soup pot.

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Brown your garlic and ginger.

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Pour in your chicken broth.  Get ready for some blurry pics.  I just got a new camera so I’m still learning to use it!

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Add your carrots, corn, and chives.

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Add soy sauce (blurry pic ah!).  Bring the liquid to a boil.

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And your noodle square.  And some salt and pepper, if you like.  Cook according to package directions.

Serve with your desired toppings!

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Much better than MSG ramen!  Still not great for you, but still way healthier and much yummier!  Enjoy college and non-college students, alike.

XO Sara

Song of the Day: Buddy Holly–Weezer

Thai Marinated Cucumbers and The World is a Beautiful Place (and I Am No Longer Afraid to Die)

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Does anybody (besides me) like the smell and idea of pickles but not actually like pickles themselves?

Because I’m finding that I have that kind of relationship with pickles.  I want to like pickles, I just have a hard time with them for some reason.

Probably cause I’m a weirdo.

Which is coincidentally what my roommate thinks I am after I took him to see The World is a Beautiful Place and I Am No Longer Afraid to Die (or to shorten it: The World is a Beautiful Place/TWIABP)

Oh, you don’t know who that is either?

I’m not surprised actually, but you should check them out.  I’m a little bit in love with them <3

(ily TWIABP)

Uhhhhhh…back to the pickle thing now?

I’m not huge on pickles, although I am trying, but I looooove Thai marinated cucumbers.  I don’t know how you couldn’t.  They’re kind of sweet and vinegar-y and go great with chicken satay with peanut sauce or homemade ramen just sayin’.  Also, they’re way healthier than pickles, so there’s that.

And you should try them about rightthisverysecond.

Okay?

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Ingredients:

1 cucumber

1/4 c. rice vinegar

2 Tbs. sugar

1 clove garlic, minced

Salt and pepper, to taste

Red chili flakes, to taste

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Slice your cucumber.  I really like pickling cucumbers for these because they’re super crunchy, but I couldn’t find any at the store this time, so a regular one works just fine! (Also, this is like, half a cucumber because that’s just what happens sometimes).

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Whisk together the vinegar, garlic, sugar, salt, pepper, and chili flakes.

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Pour vinegar mixture over cucumbers.

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Mix together.  Let marinate for about 20 minutes (or longer if you like it really strong) and then pour out extra vinegar.

“Hey Sara, you need to go get your nails done now”–you guys.

“I know, I’ll try to do better in the future”–me.

(Thank for loving me anyways) (Even when I enter weird made up commentary mid directions).

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Put these on everything.

XO Sara

Song of the Day: Space Exploration to Solve Earthly Crises–TWIABP (fitting, yes?)

Also ft. Chris Zizzamia who does an awesome spoken word/poetry collab with the band which you will hear in this song!  Cool, right?

Balsamic Marinated Steak with Roasted Vegetables

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Midterms are over.  I actually think I can hear angels singing right now…

It’s nice having a life after major tests are over.

To celebrate Halloween (and Nevada Day!) and the end of midterms, some of my family and I went to Disneyland.  Which was super fun and amazing and Disneylandish.

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Me and my mom’s Halloween costumes in Disneyland!  Can you guess who I am?

Lately, my roommates and I have gotten into the bad habit where about once every week or two, we stay up too late drinking craft beer (or cranberry vodkas in my case) and doing ridiculous things.  Last night we ended up getting nerf guns at Wal Mart at midnight so we can ignore our priorities and hide behind corners to shoot each other with little styrofoam darts.

College, right?

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Luckily, I still do things that most college kids don’t do.  Like voting, caring about important issues, making nice meals…

I haven’t given up yet guys.

However, let me tell you now: It gets dark around Reno at about 5 starting in October, so the prep pictures are pretty dark, and this meal is not the prettiest.

However, it does look very comfy and winter-y and I promise you, it’s so good.  And it only takes about 30 minutes of actual work.  The rest is marinating/cooking time.  It’s worth it.  I swear.

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Serves 2

Marinade:

1/4 c. balsamic vinegar

2 Tbs. olive oil

2 cloves garlic, chopped

1-2 tsp. Dijon, to taste

2 tsp. dried rosemary

1/2 Tbs. brown sugar

1/2 tsp. lemon pepper

Salt, to taste

Ingredients:

2 thinly cut sirloin steaks (or whatever steak you prefer)

1 zucchini, cut in larger chunks

1 red bell pepper, sliced

2 red potatoes, thinly sliced

Olive oil

Garlic powder and Onion powder, to taste

Salt and pepper, to taste

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In a bowl, whisk together marinade ingredients.

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Add 4 Tablespoons to steaks.  I put my thin steaks in ziplocs with 2 Tbs. of marinade each, and let them marinate for 2 hours.  You can do overnight if you like, but definitely do at least a couple hours!

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Cut zucchini into larger chunks.  I cut them into four spheres and then cut those into fourths.  If that makes sense?

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Slice red bell pepper.  Remove seeds!

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Mix veggies in a bowl with remaining marinade.  Let marinate for a couple hours also.

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When you’re ready to prepare dinner, dice potatoes into thin chunks.

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Preheat oven to 400* F.  Place potatoes on a foil lined baking sheet.  Drizzle with olive oil, garlic powder, onion powder, salt, and pepper.  *The reason I did not marinate the potatoes with the rest of the vegetables is because they did not get crispy when I marinated them.  You could try to mix them with marinade to make it easier.  Totally up to you!*

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Remove veggies from marinade and place on baking sheet.  Discard remaining marinade.  Bake veggies for 30-40 minutes, or until tender.

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About 8 minutes before veggies are done, pan fry your steaks to desired doneness.  This is for thinly cut sirloin steaks.  If you use regular steaks, allow yourself more time to make steaks.  Alternatively, you can grill them.  Which I would have done if it wasn’t 45* outside.

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Serve steaks over roasted vegetables.  You can cut the steak into strips if you want pretty steak, or you can just leave it whole to make it easy.

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Balsamic + Steak + Roasted Vegetables = So good and so healthy.  I was a happy Sara.

Until next time, my friends.

XO Sara

*Song of the Day*: Low Light Assembly–The World is a Beautiful Place and I Am No Longer Afraid to Die

Beef, Vegetable, and Wild Rice Soup

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Oh hey.

I’m still alive you guys.

I’m sorry I’ve been off the grid.  College, you know?

But on the bright side, I got an A on my Econ exam and I made the dean’s list for the spring semester.  Hard work pays off, you guys.  I promise that it really does.

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I make soup in the middle of summer.  I don’t care that it’s 100 degrees out and that I’m sweating inside of my house.  Soup is 100% worth it, at all times.

Luckily, it’s getting colder here in Reno so soup is much more justified.

Plus, this has everything good about the earth in it.  Beef and vegetables and wild rice?  Hell yeah.

Make this and serve it with bread and I promise all of your wildest dreams will come true.

Well maybe I shouldn’t promise impossible things, but at least you’ll have soup.

Ingredients:

Olive oil

1 lb. stew meat, cubed

1 carrot, sliced

2 celery stalks, chopped

1/2 onion, chopped

2 cloves garlic, chopped

1/2-1 qt. beef broth, low sodium (depending on how much broth you like)

1/2 c. red wine

1 bay leaf

1/2 tsp. marjoram

1/2 tsp. parsley

Few drops Tabasco

1 beef bouillon cube

Salt and pepper, to taste

1 c. wild rice, cooked according to directions

1/2 c. frozen peas

1 zucchini, sliced

Heat the olive oil in a large soup pot.  Brown the beef for a few minutes.  Add carrots, celery, and onion and cook until it starts to sweat.  Add garlic and cook until fragrant, about 30 seconds.  Pour in beef broth, red wine, marjoram, parsley, Tabasco, bouillon cube, salt, and pepper.  Simmer for 20-30 minutes, to infuse flavors and cook vegetables further.  Lastly, add wild rice, frozen peas, and zucchini.  Simmer for an additional 10 minutes.

*Notes*

You can use full sodium beef broth and exclude the bouillon cube if you prefer.  I just like being able to control how much salt goes into the soup, and I found this yields the best results.

You can add the wild rice dry and cook it in the broth, but you will definitely need to use a whole quart of beef broth if you do.  Also, prepare for the wild rice to take a good hour to get soft.

Zucchini and peas are added last so that they do not get too soggy,

*To make in a crockpot*: I have actually never done this, but I do not think it would be too hard.  Just ad all of the ingredients excluding the rice, peas, and zucchini.  Cook on high 4-6 hours or low 8-10 hours.  Add rice, peas, and zucchini 30 minutes-1 hour before serving.

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This soup rocks, and it has tons of veggies which are pretty good for you, I’ve heard.

Also, it makes a bunch so serve it to your friends or roommates or whoever you live/associate yourself with.

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Go friends.  Be happy and eat soup and enjoy fall.

XO Sara

*Song of the Day: Trailer Trash–Modest Mouse*

(Crockpot) Light Zuppa Toscana

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I have been surprisingly social all weekend.  I went to a football game on Friday (we won!) (Go Wolfpack!) and then my roommates and I spent the rest of the night with Schofferhofer Grapefruit Hefeweizen and Cards Against Humanity.  If you have never played Cards Against Humanity, let’s just introduce you to their slogan : A party game for horrible people.

And that it is.

Just take a look at their website.  Or check out this and this.

I also spent my Saturday night bar hopping with one of my best friends/pseudo cousin.  Except that I had to drive home so my bar hopping experience was mostly just me getting leaned on by a bunch of drunk people.

Good times right?

The whole drinking and Cards Against Humanity thing ties together because:

1. Most of the time, if you’re playing Cards Against Humanity, you are simultaneously drinking.

And 2. When I told my roommate, “The only two games I know how to play are beer pong and Cards Against Humanity.  What does that say about me?”, his response was, “You’re an evil alcoholic.”

So there’s that.

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And now about Zuppa Toscana.  It is that delicious soup at Olive Garden with sausage, potatoes, and kale.  The broth is lightly creamy and a little spicy.

It is also 220 calories for a bowl of it at Olive Garden.  That doesn’t seem tooooo bad, until you consider that it has 15 g of fat and 990 mg of sodium in it.  And when you consider that you’re going to have another bowl of it.  And a glass (or two) of wine.  And probably some type of pasta.  And that salad, which also doesn’t seem too bad until you see that there are 150 calories, 10 g of fat, and 760 mg of sodium in it. Also, don’t forget that you’re going to eat like, 4 of those bread sticks (140 calories, 2.5 g fat, 460 mg sodium)

Holy shit, what is in this stuff?

Anyways, I definitely recreated the recipe and lightened it up quite a bit.  I calculated it all up and it was about 350 calories per serving.  The recipe serves 4, so you get quite a big serving of soup for less than 400 calories.  Also, you just throw it in a crockpot.  So easy guys.

Ahem.

*thunderous applause*

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*The recipe was originally from Fix it and Forget it, but has been changed dramatically*

Ingredients:

6 c. low-sodium chicken broth

1/2 c. whole milk or half and half

2 carrots, grated

3 russet potatoes, sliced

4 cups kale, chopped slightly

1 lb. turkey Italian sausage

Dash salt and pepper

Sprinkle of garlic powder

Sprinkle onion powder

1/4-1/2 tsp. red pepper flakes

Parmesan cheese, for sprinkling

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Grate 2 carrots into your crockpot.

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Pour in chicken broth.

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And the whole milk/half and half.

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Slice up your potatoes.

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Add them to your broth.

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Brown the sausage.

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Add it to your broth.

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Sprinkle your spices!

Cook for 3-4 hours on high, stirring every once in a while.

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1 hour, I REPEAT, 1 HOUR before serving, stir in kale.  If you do it any earlier, it will be grossly soggy.  Do you want soggy kale?  Do you?!

No.  You really don’t.

Serve with a light homemade salad and some whole wheat rolls.  Sprinkle it with a little parm.

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Yum yum yum.  This is definitely going to be my fall favorite.

Bonus: It’s gluten free naturally!

It doesn’t taste exactly like the Olive Garden version, but it’s pretty damn close for a light version.  Sometime (when you feel really naughty) go ahead and use regular chicken broth, cream, and pork Italian sausage.  Or just go to Olive Garden and really go all out.  I’m normally not a fan of chains, but I still love Olive Garden every once in a while.

But just make this, okay?

XO Sara

Chicken Satay with Coconut Peanut Sauce

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What do you do when you don’t have any bamboo skewers in your BBQ drawer in your kitchen?

You just make chicken satay without the skewers is what you do.

The moral of this story is that nobody is perfect but you should do what you do anyways.

Like yesterday.  I went to the grocery store and got my groceries for the week.  I then proceeded to pay at the checkout line, smile at the bag boy, get in my car and drive home.  I walked through the door with my bags of groceries, put them away nicely in the fridge and pantry, and went to my bathroom to get a hair tie.  It was at that moment that I looked in the mirror and noticed that my (very cute) button down flannel was unbuttoned all the way to the bottom of my bra.  My boobs were hanging out.  You could see my whole bra.

How long did I walk around like this?  Good question.  I have NO idea.  None.  At all.

I like to think that maybe some nice lady at the grocery store would have told me about my fashion faux pas had the whole dilemma happened in the store (as opposed to the car or at home).

I also like to think that if somebody was not that nice, at least I made a few peoples’ days hopefully.

The mystery remains unsolved, but at least I always have chicken satay to make me feel better from embarrassing moments.

Because if coconut peanut sauce doesn’t make you feel better after a rough day, something might be wrong with you.

Or maybe not, but I do question your morality.

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Chicken (Serves 2):

1 chicken breast

1/2 c. low fat coconut milk

1/2 tsp. yellow curry powder

Salt and pepper, to taste

1 tsp. soy sauce

1/4 tsp. siracha

1 garlic clove, minced

1/4 tsp. ginger, grated

2 tsp. brown sugar

Sauce:

1/3 c. low fat coconut milk

3 Tbs. natural peanut butter*

1/2 tsp. soy sauce

Salt and pepper, to taste

1/2 Tbs. brown sugar

1/2 tsp. yellow curry powder

*Use natural peanut butter, like the stir kind with the natural oils.  The kind made without any sugar.  If you look in the ingredients, it will only list peanuts.  I promise, it tastes so much better (and it’s better for you!)

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Cut chicken into long strips.  You want them to be fairly thin.

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Place them in a bowl and season with salt and pepper.

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Pour coconut milk over chicken.

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Add curry powder, soy sauce, siracha, garlic, ginger, and brown sugar.

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Stir together.  Wrap with plastic and marinate for 1 hour to overnight.

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Once they’re nice and marinated, grill until juices run clear, about 2 minutes per side over medium heat.

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While the chicken cooks, combine sauce ingredients in a small saucepan and cook on medium heat until warmed through.

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Serve with brown rice, broccoli, green beans, or Thai marinated cucumbers.

I personally serve mine with tons of peanut sauce, because I’m practically obsessed!  I may or may not have eaten the leftover sauce with a spoon.  But that’s another unsolved mystery.

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Also, this would be great to serve to a crowd.  Super easy and super quick!  One of my favorite last minute meals.

XO Sara

Cinnamon Rolls

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Holy balls.

These are so good.

Have you ever had like, a really really really good cinnamon roll?  Not like a Cinnabon one, but a really delicious cinnamon roll?  I don’t think there’s anything quite like it.

I’m happy to report that you may now make your own if you truly wish to experience the phenomenon of eating an out-of-this-world cinnamon roll.

I have truly done it.  I have created the perfect cinnamon rolls.

They take pretty much all day to make, but they’re super easy.  I promise, you can make these!  Just make sure you have new yeast and everything is going to be okay.  You can do anything.

Sara: motivator and cinnamon roll goddess.

Maybe that’s a little dramatic.  Maybe it’s not.  Maybe you should make these cinnamon rolls and let me know if you think that I’m a cinnamon roll goddess.

A disclaimer about the following pictures:

1. My nail color randomly changes from red to sparkly pink because I got my nails done while the dough was rising.  I highly recommend you find something time consuming to do while you wait because cinnamon rolls take a long time to rise and a long time to make in general (but still so worth it).

2. The pictures change from good quality to bad quality because, again, they take a while to make and I ran out of daylight.

Shall we get started?

Cinnamon Rolls:

1/2 c. warm water

1 package instant yeast

1/2 c. + 1 Tbs. sugar

1/4 tsp. salt

1/2 c. buttermilk

1 egg

1/3 c. melted butter

4 1/2 c. flour

Filling:

1/2 stick butter

1/2 c. brown sugar

1/2 c. white sugar

2 1/2 Tbs. cinnamon

Pinch salt

Icing:

4 oz. cream cheese

2 Tbs. butter

1 1/2-2 c. powdered sugar (depending on how sweet you like your icing!)

1/2 tsp. vanilla

2-3 Tbs. milk, to thin

Pinch salt

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First, you’re going to want to mix together your warm water, yeast, and a tablespoon of sugar.  Set it aside to double in size!

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Mix 1/2 c. sugar, flour, and salt in a bowl.

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Nice and doubled!  Yay!

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Mix together buttermilk, egg, and butter.

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Add half of the flour mixture until it’s incorporated.

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Add the yeast mixture and stir together.

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It might not mix very well because it’s going to be very lumpy and thin like pancake batter.

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Mix in the rest of the flour and knead a few times with your hands.

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Knead until smooth and beautiful.

Set aside in a warm place covered with plastic wrap or a towel.  Let rise for 1-2 hours.

*insert random photo and nail color change*

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Once it has risen, punch the dough a few times.DSCN4128

Roll until about 1/8 inch thick.

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Brush with melted butter.

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Mix together cinnamon, sugars, and salt for your filling.

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And spread it all around!

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Roll it up.

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Brush it with more butter (sorry cholesterol).

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Cut into rolls that are about 2 inches wide.  You should have about 8 pretty ones.

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And a few not so pretty ones :-(  Oops!

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Brush a parchment lined casserole dish with more butter.

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Sprinkle with remaining cinnamon and sugar.

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Line the cinnamon rolls in the casserole dish.  Set them aside, covered, to rise for another hour or two.

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Look how pretty!!!  (That top left one is so sad.  Poor little guy.  Still delicious).

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Bake at 350* F for about 14-16 minutes, or until a light golden brown.

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Meanwhile, mix together the icing!  Whip butter and cream cheese together until incorporated.  Add sifted powdered sugar and vanilla.  Thin with milk.

(Uhm, is this not just the worst picture you’ve ever seen?  Did I even try?  Just trust me, it’s a delicious icing).

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Yay, they’re baked and beautiful!

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Spread frosting over warm cinnamon rolls.

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Hell yeah.

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Serve warm, with tea preferably.  If you’re obsessed with tea like I am.  How could you not be?

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Do you see that cinnamon filling?  Oh my gosh.  I might go grab one of my extras from the freezer right now.  They’re sooooo good.

Which reminds me, if you have too many because you made 11 cinnamon rolls and you live by yourself, just go ahead, wrap them in some plastic wrap individually and then place them in freezer bags.  They’ll stay good for a few months and you can indulge in cinnamon bun goodness whenever you want!

Go make these.  Right.  Now.

XO Sara

DIY Wire Headbands

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Do you love American Apparel?

*raises hand*

Do you cry every time they ring up your total?

*sob* *raises hand*

American Apparel is one of my most favorite stores in the whole world.  I bought two dresses last time I shopped there.  I don’t have anywhere to wear these dresses (I wear them all the time actually.  Better overdressed than underdressed or something like that).  I think I had the whole “I’ll wear this on a date!” idea in my head.  Until, you know, I didn’t go on any dates.

I have a whole point to this guys.  I saw these wire headbands at American Apparel (when I was buying said dresses).  I fell in love with them.  Especially a white one with black polka dots.  It spoke to me.

But the price did not.  Maybe if I only wanted to buy 1.  But I wanted to buy all the prints.

And then I realized how incredibly easy they would be to make!  Please keep in mind: I am no advanced sew-er.

(I was going to write “sewer” until I realized that made it seem like I was a dark underground tunnel full of waste and then I got sad.  When I say “sew-er”, I mean somebody that sews.)

(In case you couldn’t figure that out.)

To hand sew mine, it took an hour.  It would probably take half that time with a sewing machine.  Which I have.  Which is in the back of my closet.  Which may or may not work depending on the day (and how the user handles the situation).

So I opted to hand sew.  It’s up to you.

Materials:

1/4 yard of fabric–I recommend cotton or something easy to sew!

Matching thread

Needle or sewing machine

Tape measure

Pencil or white colored pencil

22 gauge (floral) wire

Scissors

Jewelry pliers (optional)

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Got it?!  Good!  You’re ready to go.

First, begin by measuring and cutting fabric.  Measure it at least 32 inches long and about 4 inches wide for a 2 inch wide headband.  It may be a little under 2 inches for seam allowance.  If you’re dead set on the final headband being 2 inches wide, make it about 4.5 inches wide at first.

 NOW BE SMART UNLIKE ME.  Keep it one piece and fold it over so you only have to sew up one side.  I was dumb.  I cut it in half.  I had to sew up two sides.  DON’T DO THAT GUYS.

Just fold the fabric in half so that the good sides of the fabric are touching (you know it’s the good side if it’s the pretty side.  If it looks faded, it’s the bad side.  Hard to tell with black!).  Make sure to fold it hotdog style.

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Now measure your wire about two inches longer than your fabric.  Twist each side into a loop.  You can use pliers or your fingers.  I used my fingers which is a little pokey, but you could probably live through it.  Make sure there are no sharp points on the wire that could pierce through your skeleton and into your brain.

Wow, sorry.

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Cut each side into this shape, at an angle.  You don’t really have to do it, but it looks better.  I traced one side with a white colored pencil, cut it out, and then used the scraps to trace the other end and cut it out.  Make sense?

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Sew it up!  But not all the way guys.  Just chill.

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Sew it until there are about two inches left in the middle.  Make sure it’s the middle so that when you finish sewing it up, the stitches are less noticeable.

Then flip it the right side out.  Just push the fabric through the middle hole and use a chop stick or your fingers to get it all the way through.  It’ll work.  I promise.  It might just take a few minutes.

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Put the wire through the hole in the center.  Bend it around so that the loops are at the end points.

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Stitch up the hole in the center.

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At this point, you’re going to want to find the loops through the fabric.  Then make a little stitch inside the loop so that the wire doesn’t move around to the middle of the headband.  This is optional, but very helpful.  If you use a matching thread, you won’t even notice the little stitch!

Then just twist is around your head!

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You can twist the little end points into a knot…

*queue sultry look apparently*

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…Or put the endpoints under your hair so that it’s flat on top…

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…or wear it Matilda style!  Which is my fave.

Reasons why these headbands rock:

1. They can be manipulated into many different styles.

2. They’re easy and you can pick your own fabrics.

3. They actually stay in place all day.

4.  The best reason.  No headache!  They don’t squeeze your noggin.  It’s a frickin miracle!

Let me know what you think of these you guys.  If you have questions, please ask.  Sometimes it can be difficult to explain these things over a blog!

XO Sara

Black Bean and Corn Guacamole

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“Hey, Sara.  Why are you taking pictures of that guacamole?”

“Errrrrrr, uhhhhhm, weeeeelllllllll…..”

I feel like that just summed up my life in two sentences.

That was a quote from one of my roommates.  Sometimes it takes a while to openly admit that you’re a food blogger.  Not that I’m ashamed.  Just that it’s not something that just comes up all the time.

Until your roommate walks in, practically smacking you in the head with the front door while you “rap squat” with a camera pointing directly at a bowl of guac.  Don’t know what the “rap squat” is? Check this out here.  That should sum it up for you/give you a good laugh.

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Anyways, yeah, guac.  I’m pretty sure that I’m allergic to avocados considering I never feel all that great after eating them, but I don’t care.  Because they’re worth it.  Why are they so good?!

This guac has corn and black beans in it, like that really great salsa, except that it’s in guacamole!  Yes, please and thank you.

But Sara, doesn’t regular guacamole have tomatoes and onions in it?

Uhm, don’t you have something better to do?  Shouldn’t you be watching Netflix or something?  I recommend It’s Always Sunny. (No, Netflix is not compensating me for that comment.  But I am interested Netflix.  Need a cute little redheaded spokesgirl?  Sorry, was that conceited?).

But for real, the answer is yes.  But I hate raw onions and I forgot tomatoes at the store.  You may add them if you want.  I just did not have the necessary ingredients with me.  Sorry ¯\_(ツ)_/¯

Let’s get started!

Ingredients:

1 avocado

2 cloves garlic, chopped

1/2 lime, juiced

1/4 tsp. onion powder

Salt and pepper, to taste

4 drops Tobasco, or to taste

1/4 c. corn (fresh, frozen, canned, your choice)

1/4 c. black beans (I used canned.  Make sure to drain and rinse!)

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Cut your avocado in half, around the pit.  Jam your knife into the pit and yank it out.  Just twist a little, it’ll come out.  Don’t cut your hand!  You can do this guys.

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Put the avocado in a good mashing bowl with your garlic, lime juice, onion powder, salt and pepper, and Tobasco.

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Smash it with a fork!

Screw the fork, this is taking to long.  Use a potato masher.

Oh yeah, I don’t have a potato masher.

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The fork works.

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Stir in black beans and corn!

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Serve with these!  They’re way healthier than regular corn chips and they’re way more delicious!

Again, not being compensated.  Again, interested.

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This should serve 4 regular, healthy sized portions.  But we all know you’re going to eat half of it like me.  Don’t be like me, kids.  Do yourself a favor.  Learn portion control.

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You know what, avocados are really good for you, eat however much you want.

And let me know how that goes.

Tips:

1. To find a good avocado, take the little stem off.  If it’s green, it’s ripe!  If it’s creamy white/tan, it’s not ripe.  If it’s dark brown or black, it’s bad!

2.  To keep guacamole from going brown and goopy, cover it with water.  Then just dump it out and stir whenever you want to eat it.  Kind of sounds gross, but it’s not (it’s just water) and it’s better than brown clumpy guac.  The reason it works is because food can’t oxidize in water!  Yeah, science bitch!  (Breaking Bad, anyone?)

XO Sara

Song of the Day: Honestly?–American Football